I Can Die Now: Madonna Crosses One Off the Bucket List

Everyone has a bucket list, myself included. Mine isn’t all too lengthy but in the top five of my “Must Do Before I Die” List is to see Madonna live in concert. This weekend I crossed it off my list. Since I was about eight years old I had been asking my mom to take me to see her. This was to be expected as the first song I ever sang as a child was Papa Don’t Preach, but I never ended up talking her into taking me. When Madonna announced her tour this year, I was ready and with no excuses in my way. I bought four tickets, called up two great friends and my mom and told them to meet me in Chi-town. It was time to do this.

Madonna is my absolute favorite performer so lets just put the bias out there. If you’re looking for a comprehensive criticism of the show, you came to the wrong place. With any other concert, I would hope to provide you with that kind of Fox Newsesque coverage, but it’s just not gonna happen here. The air conditioning was turned off. That’s my complaint. There you go.

Everyone is a critic and I’m no exception. I’ve been checking out her concert reviews for months now. Most of them are overrun with personal rants about how Madonna is old, washed out, and an untalented hack. If it’s not that, it’s verbal diarrhea about her divorce with Guy Ritchie or her Kabbalah sessions with Alex Rodriguez. Oh wait, Madonna stole another African baby from his poor father? Word.

Let’s address that all right now. For one, this was not a concert, it was a performance. It is important we make this clear and necessary distinction. Troupes of dancers, complex choreography, cars rolling out onto stage, a full boxing ring with fighters, light shows, screens with music accompanying graphics, costume changes… this woman puts on one hell of a show. Love her or hate her, no one could leave that packed United Center without saying it was a sight to see and extremely well rehearsed.

It’s no secret that Madonna turned fifty this year. I know, let me hear you say it, “Oh my god, she’s so old.” She’s FIFTY, folks! And unless you too can double-dutch, dance, and sing flawlessly simultaneously and look amazing doing it, you should probably get off that argument. Let’s see how we are all doing when we are fifty. I for one am just hoping to have a retirement account and if I can still pull off a mean Soluja Boy, well then double bonus.

The same goes with untalented. Listening to Madonna on the radio will never give you the scope of what she is capable of. Not only can she dance, but she can play a righteous guitar. Several times throughout her concert she picked up her guitar and hammered away at some amazing power cords all the while hanging off the side of the stage and throwing in the audiences face. She even asked for some requests. I was on my feet the entire time with my hands in the air. I didn’t even have time for my $10 Lemonade Vodka which ended up on the floor.

“But she’s such a pain in the ass!” Sure she has a lot of drama in her life, but she’s Madonna. She does what she wants and waits for no one. This comes at a price. Especially if you have a vagina (there, I said it). Last week she dedicated a song to “the emotionally retarded.” This week she pretty much let it go. She made a comment about how the queen will overtake the king which was in context with the rest of the show, but we all knew what she was getting at. Eyebrows were raised in true Madonna fashion. Regardless of all the drama going on in her life, she showed up, gave a great show, and provided us with our money’s worth (unlike some other “diva” who shall be remain nameless as to not further her month long, concert cancelling headache) Her career will always be the forefront in her life and god bless her for it. All the bullshit aside, this is what she does, and she’s great at it.

Sticky and Sweet is her latest tour and her shows were selling out the day tickets went on sale. People are now fetching as much as $7,500 per floor seat at some of these major venues. My tickets were originally $55 each, but I ended up paying $120 each the second day they went on sale. If there is one person that doesn’t hate Madonna, it’s the ticket broker. Where would they be without her and Mylie Cyrus?

Her set list was impeccable and the crowd was more than approving. Hitting all the old hits like Vogue, Like a Prayer, Music, Borderline, La Isla Bonita and bringing out songs from her new CD, Hard Candy, including my new personal favorite, The Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You. In line with a performance and not a concert, there was no encore. When she walked off stage the screens came up with “GAME OVER” and the lights in the arena were flipped on. Her last set was dedicated to social change. Worldly images of people all united through the common good of humanity and then a shout out for Obama as if we were going to get out of there without a plug. An encore would have been nice but it didn’t matter because the crowd was satisfied as it were. There were certainly tears coming from my eyes.

For me, my bucket list isn’t shorter now, just revised. Hopefully she’s got at least one more tour in her because I will be shelling out the dollars to get close next time. Call me crazy, but she’s totally worth a $500 ticket. This is the Material Girl after all. Respect.